A time to mourn here in PDX,
Lower the flags of humanity to half-staff... And hold them there awhile.
What could go through the mind of a 24-year-old man who could so despair of life that he would aim his weapon at a clump of bright, adventuresome teenagers? Guests from around the world waiting to dance and celebrate a couple of birthdays?
Then turn the gun on himself?
If he wants to end his life, why doesn't he just do that? Why does he have to inflict suffering and death on other human beings first?
Unfathomable... Unless you've been in such a deep hole that you can no longer even see light, let alone find it or get to it.
Only intense blindness can do this. He could think of what to do with a few belongings: car, bank account, PlayStation 3. But he could not think of the feelings or the sufferings of family or strangers. He could not see them. He could only see... darkness. And no end to it.
Perhaps some sort of strange mechanism kicks in. Perhaps the only way he could act on his inclinations was to fire at other people first. Just like in the video games. After people had fallen, just like in the video games, and the trigger finger was warm, just like in the video games, and the rush was in, just like in the video games...
After all of this he could finally carry through his intentions for himself. But not before.
Unfathomable, unless you've ever been in darkness that deep. It takes over. Reason leaves. Emotion and feeling shut down. You are unable to help yourself. You are unable because you can't see. All you can see is the drain and it seems like the only way out.
Alone, you are no more able to fight back than do brain surgery on yourself.
PlayStation 3 and life blend and blur.
Be aware of people who might fit the description. Ask. Intervene. Don't look away or pretend it's not there.
You might save a life. Or half a dozen. Maybe someone else's child. Or your own.
Pray for the survivors. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...